Lesson 3.4

DREAMS date: Have ‘the money talk’ with your loved ones

One of the biggest financial decisions we will ever make is who we decide to share our finances with. A romantic relationship can become the solid foundation on which you build your joint financial fitness. 

But, if you are not in alignment, relationships can also turn into the biggest financial setback a person can experience. At best, you might be hampered in your ability to reach your financial goals. At worst, a lack of communication about money in a relationship can be a symptom of financial abuse, where one partner seeks to control the other through financial means.

So, it’s important to get started on the right financial footing when entering any new relationship. While it can be uncomfortable to talk openly about money, it is crucial that couples are open and honest about their financial situation. Couples should set aside some time early on in a relationship to have a ‘money DREAMS date’.

Here’s what a ‘DREAMS date’ covers:

Debts

How much debt do each of you have? What type of debts? What are your plans and aspirations to pay it off?

Regrets

How have your past experiences shaped your beliefs and values about money? What did you learn about money growing up? Importantly, are there any money decisions you regret? Often, our mistakes are our greatest teachers and there is no need to feel any shame.

Earnings

How much do you earn? What are your plans for progressing your career or business? It is important that couples are open, and supportive of their partners’ incomes, careers and desires when it comes to paid work. 

Assets

What do you own? It can be a good idea to do a stocktake of your respective net worths going into a relationship so you can monitor progress or setbacks. Again, transparency is key. 

Major expenses

Do you have any major expenses upcoming, such as tax bills, renovations, holidays or other committed funds? Where do you like to spend your money? Are you more of a spender or a saver? 

Savings plan

Finally, what plans do you have in place to grow your savings over time? Being in a relationship, your decisions will inevitably impact the decision of the other person. Start to plan as a team.

Where to go for more support

If you struggle to have a one-on-one, meaningful money conversation with your partner, you can access the support of trained financial counsellors through the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007.

If you or someone you know could be experiencing financial abuse, you can contact the Next Chapter support team on 1800 222 387, Monday to Friday, 8am-6pm (Sydney/Melbourne time), excluding public holidays. This support is available to everyone, no matter who they bank with. An interpreter can be arranged to assist you. 

If it’s difficult to chat over the phone, CommBank customers can contact the Next Chapter Team through online chat (Ceba) in the CommBank app.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit www.1800RESPECT.org.au. 

In an emergency or if you’re not feeling safe, always call 000.